Pain is pleasure.

S&M? Nah, not today...

I can't remember the last time I had the flu. My immune system used to be boss to the point where I would have like one cold a year. The flu was practically unheard of in my house. Now I'm on my second sickness of the school year. Maybe germs have upgraded or maybe I'm just unfortunate to have sick friends (and roommates) that I happen to come in close contact with. Anyway, I've been aching since yesterday. My friend gave me some meds but I'm out, so I'm waiting for my dad to come over later so he can hook me up. For now, my legs are giving me hell. Seems like they hurt worse when I'm not moving them (laying on the bed, sitting, etc.) but whatever.

I'm glad tomorrow's Friday (aka Poetry Day). I can go straight to sleep after my last class if I wanted to.

There's a writer's workshop tonight and there's no featured poet. The bestie wants me to do it, but I dunno. Maybe I'm just making the excuse because I'm sick. I know I'll probably have an automatic feature next year because I'll be a senior (omg). We'll see how I feel by then. I'll print out some stuff just to be sure because we all know how draft versions look in the notebook.

Anyway, here's a poetic tidbit that'll hopefully satisfy the palate. I wanna go somewhere with it...

No need to reach for the stars
Actually, they envy me
Secretly wishing on my constellation
In hopes of becoming a reincarnate
Of love's revolution.

The Coldest Winter. (haikus for the chilled spirit)

Say goodbye, my friend
I have been blessed to have you,
My precious heat fix.

***

Wind chill surpasses
Windows of outdated glass
It's peacoat season.



(HU is being trife right about now.)

Poetry is prophecy.

Look back on my latest poem. Saturday night/early morning was the epitome of that poem.

I love it.

I am no longer deprived.

Now I just need a damn massage...

My favorite day: Friday.

Today's meet/cypher was pretty cool, even though it started a bit late. We basically introduced ourselves and shared poetry. We had four themes to choose from: Black Wall Street, Juke Joint/Party, HBCU (postives and/or negatives), and Black Love. Guess which topic got the most hits. I shared the Bass Swing poem, which is now officially named Music Appreciation. The bestie thought it was beautiful.

There were a lot of fresh faces at the cypher, and everyone seems to have great potential. I'm excited. Friday will officially be my favorite day since we'll be meeting every week. Plus cyphers inspire me to write not too long afterwards (see last blog).

Tonight should be okay. Gonna spend a money-free night with a good friend.

That is all.

Fresh off the brain.

Hold my breath captive
Melt my words into mindless clutter
Swept away with kisses
Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation
Bringing romance back to life

The only flat lines we make
Is our shapes parallel to the bed

Sparked nerve ends
Create wildfire beginnings

Burning with inspiration
You write feverishly

Fingernails sliding across my back
While my hips speak to yours

Articulation like no other
We come to an understanding

Dripping with epiphanies
Our hearts drown in a new level of love.

Hold your own...know your name.

Tomorrow is the start of something new, and I'm anxious to see what happens.

The first practice for the Black Extravaganza poets is tomorrow. I'm going to have to deal with the antics of the best friend and accept the awkward stares between myself and a former friend. I'm excited about meeting the other poets who made it. All the poets from last year's extravaganza basically became a tight-knit group and I was blessed to meet most of them. Some have graduated while others have other matters to tend to. As far as I know, there are four of the original poets still there.

I've performed poetry before (duh), but this is a whole new level. Within a month, I'll be performing in front of countless people. Though I feel with the repetition of practices and rehearsals, it shouldn't be that hard.

I guess this leads into my history of poetry...

I believe I started writing poetry when I was in the seventh grade. I remember writing a poem about inspiration for writing poetry, but I believe it got lost in the clutter of notebooks I used to have. Before the end of the school year, I wrote a poem called "Together Again". I typed it up and every line was a different color of the rainbow (a sign of things to come?). From there, I would type up various poems in one of the coolest fonts ever (Curlz MT) and use different color schemes. Eventually I grew out of the habit around freshman year in high school and printed in black ink like everyone else. (Didn't stop me from writing in various gel pen colors. God I loved those things.) I rhymed a lot as well. (I remember writing rhymes in people's yearbooks one year in middle school lol)

I remember writing about writing, togetherness (non-romantic), and loving myself (a G-rated version of "Eff the haters"). Then crushes came and gone and my unrequited feelings ended up spilling out on paper. I actually showed a boy a poem I wrote about him. That was pretty awkward, but we stayed friends despite my crazy writing antics. I don't believe I started reading my poems out loud until I joined my high school's literary magazine.

I remember writing the occasional love poem before falling in love with my first boyfriend. Of course after that, there was explosion of lovey-dovey poetry. And the romance birthed from there. From hook-ups to break-ups, I had something to say along the lines of "love."

College brought about the exposure of spoken word and I was pretty sure that I would never fit into that category. Now I'm not so sure...I think I just have to find my voice. I've become more comfortable with performing though. Nerves used to kill me, but see for yourself...








I was at Fuzzy Wednesdays (R.I.P?) with a friend and I felt pretty comfortable.

I'd like to think of myself as a shy girl who shouts on paper.

Or maybe I should stick with Refreshing Cadence.

I'm pretty sure I'll have a couple of nicknames after Feb. 24th.

I'm bad with giving myself nicknames, but curiouslovechild was definitely a hit for me.

I, Curiouslovechild, do solemnly swear...

(Looks at song of the moment "Don't Look Back" by Telepopmusik) To have great sex to that song.

It's ethereal and uninhibited. I wouldn't want any more from a liberating experience as such.

That is all.




Oh yeah...Go Obama!!

Music randoms.

I doubt that most of you will remember way back when I mentioned how certain songs trigger memories. I feel like sharing a few since one randomly popped up just now.

1. "I'll Take You On" by Howie Day (currently playing) - This was playing during my first "not-so-innocent" kiss, which occurred before Ring Dance in high school. I was in my boyfriend's car and we were listening to the mixtape I made him. We were both highly inexperienced in that area, so we were just sitting there awkwardly until he asked me if I wanted to "open-mouth kiss." It wasn't cute or hot or anything. After that night, neither of us tried that again. At that point of my life, I didn't mind anyway.

2. "Hero" by Mariah Carey - It's a shame that this was playing after my boyfriend at the time broke up with me. We were both sitting in silence and started singing it a bit.

3. "Sexual Healing" by Marvin Gaye - Unfortunately, this song was playing at the same time as the former. Totally inappropriate. (Note: no mixtape of mine was playing this time)

4. "VIP" by Jamie Foxx - I hated his cd (mostly) when I first heard it. A handful of years later, I ended up kissing a girl for the first time while this was playing and it's been on my playlist ever since. One of the best first kisses I've had so far. I was in her car and I was consistently hinting towards going further with her, but she eventually said that she was shy when it came to making the first move (quite ironic considering she got at me in the first place), so I leaned toward her cheek and she sealed the deal. I need more kisses like that in my life. *sigh*


I hope this satisfied your curious palate. Man that last one...damn.

Inspired by tonight's game of (drunk) spades.

Throwing out the ace of spades
In a line of diamonds
May have captured their hearts
But the joker's on you

Tip of the blade (spade)
Parallel to your chest before
Waging war with yourself
Trying to club women senseless with game
So you can slide between their legs
Then renege at the first chance

But lady vets will call you out on bragging
Without the proper strategy....

**to be continued/edited?

Hangover-ish poem. Poem ??/however many scraps I've written.

Running back to a rational state of mind
Where future prevails present
Living for life
Consisting of countless moments
Most natural as heartbeats
While others are jolted into existence

Induced by
Fear
Ecstasy
Alcohol

The substance rained on weekends
Drowning morals
In promises of memorable bliss
All the while knowing that
The headache and responsibility will return
Sprinting then
Crashing
Into an invisible brick wall.


**Wrote the majority of this on the way back from the club last night. (Half-asleep mostly)

Bisexual speed dating night?

I'm just waiting on more of this L Word episode to load. The current scene is the speed dating night. Sounds like fun. I'd like to go to one of those.

Tonight I went to a gay club in Richmond. I liked that one better than the Baltimore one. It looked nicer and had two floors. I had a blast dancing with the gays. I can honestly say that I've never been to a straight club. I've been to straight parties (duh), but from what I've heard, a lot of regular clubs are wack. Anyway, I just like being around people who are like me. Sure girls can dance on each other at straight clubs, but it's not that serious. I am still sore from dancing.

I finally got dropped off at my dorm at 4-ish. There's like 4 people at the front desk, including the night watch dude. One guy called me out and was like "Are you really a party animal?" That definitely caught me off guard. Apparently a dude I barely know said I was, probably because I don't stay in the dorm like the rest of those dorks do. But anyway, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I like to have fun and forget about what I have to do (which isn't much considering the 4-day weekend).

So, random fact about me (I just feel like it lol):

-Anyone remember Toni's "Un-break My Heart" video? It used to make me sad as a kid. Poor Tyson.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mK3N72UlNc

Childhood seems so far away. In a way, I'm still a child dependent on parents and school in order for me to get to that next step. I'm hoping the path isn't too rough.

Inaugaration is in two days! The future of America is gradually unfolding. I know Obama will make us proud.

Looks like I'll be sleeping through brunch later. Most likely it won't be the HU Sunday brunch I love anyway, so no loss.

Good day.

Biggie Biggie Biggie...

Every hip-hop head (or at least anyone who was at least an 80's baby) knew that a part of history was made in the movie Notorious. I actually didn't think I was going to go see it, but I decided to go with my friends anyway. Of course it was engaging. I didn't recite every line along with the other viewers, but I liked it. We all knew hiw the movie was going to end, but I learned a lot in the process. I remember watching Behind the Music with B.I.G. back when that show still existed (lol).

It still surprises me that they picked Naturi out of all people to rep Lil' Kim, but regardless, she'll always be known as the reject member of the group 3LW (at least to me and all past and present 3L-dub fans out there). I recently read an interview with the real Lil' Kim and apparently none of the writers contacted her concerning her knowledge and relationship with Biggie. That does seem pretty shady, so I wonder how authentic her "jump-off" status really was in the movie.

As for Faith Evans, I need to listen to her first album. She was the truth back in the day and I was too young to understand that truth. I heard some of her album last semester and I feel like it should be in my collection.

The film's Diddy was quite funny. But of course, as long as the real Sean Combs was executive producer, he knew that his actor would portray the hell out of him, dances and all.

So everyone should be used to the fact that Angela Bassett always plays the mother role, and we're happy with that.

Overall, the experience was great. I was tipsy in the beginning and ended up in the right mind by the end of the movie. That's what counts I guess.

No more?

Even before school started, I proved that I'm not quite ready for the discipline of writing a poem everyday. With the stress of junior year already building, I think I may have to postpone the challenge until summertime. But in the meantime, I will try my best to challenge my writing abilities (outside of class) at least every other day. Now that's a promise I can keep.


Upcoming blogs:

-The greatness that is Gnarls Barkley (second album-wise)
-Top albums of '08
-Various sexuality topics

Choosing sides...or not.

This has been on my mind for a while. I read a blog earlier concerning labels in the LGBT community (mostly lesbian labels), but my greatest concern has been the broadest labels of all: lesbian and bisexual.

I haven't been with a man since last summer. After summer, two girls followed. Out of the three aforementioned hook-ups, I haven't pursued a relationship with any of them for various reasons.

Of course, my sexuality is mostly influenced by the world around me. I was exposed to straight relationships, just like every other American person. I can't pinpoint the first time I was exposed to a gay/lesbian relationship. Naive as I was, I thought "gay" was a new fad or something. My freshman year in college consisted of chasing after a man as well as pursuing a relationship with another (separately of course).

Then sophomore year came. Something kicked in and I started caring about human rights, so I joined the gay-straight alliance. During one meeting, we all went around the circle and gave our sexual orientation. I considered myself straight. Being that hardly any straight people were in the organization (or actually came to meetings), it shocked everyone else. As time went on, I started becoming more interested in lgbt life. I befriended quite a few people in and outside of the group who considered themselves gay, lesbian or bisexual.

I had my first experience with a girl not too long after the first half of junior year started. According to the first entry in my blog, I labeled myself as a bisexual and I believe I was a bit rushed to put a label on myself. As open as the bisexual label is, I'm sure every gay/lesbian has had some sort of a man/woman crush after being comfortable with his or her orientation, so the varieties are endless.

So now I'm wondering if I'm still what I am according to what I've said previously in my blog. Now I don't automatically think that I'm a lesbian just because I have lesbian friends. They have a certain influence, but it's more than that. It's about what I'm comfortable with. I've told people that I feel more comfortable at gay clubs as opposed to straight ones and I'm interested in pursuing a relationship with a lady.

But regardless of labels, I'm just the type who chooses not to put gender in the way of a potential lasting relationship.

Edit: LGBT is now LGBTIQ...now I know what it all stands for: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersexed, and Questioning. Dang, we're everywhere. Soon we'll be the freakin majority lol

I'm a lady. (10/30)

I'm a lady.

I'm so much better than
The little boys or
Little girls
With big inconsistencies

I'm past
Blaming my heart
For propositions my entire body participated in

Gradually shaking off the leaves
To leave room for growth
Green glowing in red
To represent the true love
In my life

New year's resolutions
Evolve into new life solutions
It's a matter of living right
Or not living at all.

***

(will definitely work on this one when I have the time. Classes start tomorrow, so anything goes. And I'm still behind...)

My first (and maybe last) attempt at humor (9/30)

Coffee beans fall into her hand
As fast as they enter her mouth
She'd tell her friends
"It's pure hazelnut coffee
When it goes down..."

Slacker haiku (8/30)

I'm a true slacker
"Not now. I'll do it later."
*insert good line here*

Rant poem. (7/30)

Tension builds around my heart
In conjunction with walls and mantras
(Supposedly my protection)
Pushing myself into being
Too good for most
When I may just be a hypocrite
Like most

Judging people by surface conversations
Instead of taking time
To find gems underneath
But who has enough time
For those awkward situations?

The tapping thumbs
While pretending to listen
To ramblings about nothing

Or loving the build
And hating the brain

Or finding commercial
In what you thought was complexity

How many does it take?

It's like a game:

Tally up the hit and runs,
Mindless crushes
Love of lusts
(So listless it needs its own scoreboard)

And we get nowhere.

There's no psychic palm reader
Who can tell me
When I can find that one
Beyond the crowd

So now I'm stuck
Between fate and consequence.


(Written in the HU registration line. Why not subject to cynicism? And yes I am a day behind...oops lol)

Cheaters Haiku (poem 6/30)

Everybody cheats
Whether lovers or Debbies
We're all found guilty.

Ode to my twin Part 1 (poem 5/30)

Twirling curls with her left hand
While embellishing eyes on her right
I admire her overcoming time
Never slacking on her beautiful face.


(True story...)

Bass Swing (Poem 4/30 - 1/4/2009)

E string vibrating into his skin
Nerves tingle to the sound
Tips fly across fingerboards
To keep the perfect beat

He's the core of music:

A sweet baritone syncopation.

He fills my lips with rhythm
'Til they burst in scats
His clef inches from my heart's metronome.

I want him to love me
In first-half arpeggios
Because I don't wanna come back down
To see
Love in another key.

***

(Inspired by the abundance of string basses/bass guitars I saw in Nashville. Also inspired by the jazz music playing in the car as I texted this poem to life.)

I want to live.

No more poetry for tonight/today.

My sister and I are in Tennessee for the weekend with my aunt and uncle. It's a completely different life than what I'm used to in Virginia. My uncle is a plastic surgeon and my aunt helps with the expansion of his offices, so they're definitely living a life of luxury. We went in Opry Mills mall yesterday. It's definitely one of the biggest malls I've ever seen. I wonder how it compares to Potomac Mills and the Williamsburg outlets in VA. Later we're getting our hair done, mani/pedis, and massages. Yeah, my aunt is squeezing a lot into this weekend and we'll be taking home a lot of souvenirs.

Meanwhile, I've been thinking about what I want to do after life at Hampton. I'm going to find out about this Teach for America program. One of my friends is set on doing it and it sounds like a good deal. If I decide to do it, I think I'd want to teach in North Carolina. I've never been before (with the exception of ending up there after getting lost because we were looking for a strawberry field lol), but I've heard it's nice. I'll have to get more info out of my NC friends. I would love to live somewhere new after graduating. I've been in VA for too long. I need to expand my horizons.

This poetry challenge has only been going on for a few days and I'm surprised with the results. I'm coming up with lines and topics out of nowhere at a faster rate. I already know that I'm going to be a better poet/writer after this. Sometimes it's just as easy as writing about whatever comes to mind. We'll see how I'll feel by mid-month.

I'm not sure when I'll be back up here. I can't stand the desktop at home. I should be getting my laptop back before I go back to school next weekend. Until then, I'll try to record my challenge here. Stay tuned.

The art of evading sleep: Poem 3/30

Fatigue dances across my eyelids
Begging for its debut on a closed audience
Promoting daydreams like want ads
In the form of bothersome telemarketers


I've avoided you for hours
With a list of grievances:


I've been a midnight ghostwriter for years
Birthing poetry from unknown depths


Temporarily living in the land
Of houses doing balancing tricks on hills
And malls the size of small colleges

I've already slept my life away
Without the help of a bed

Surpassing chances
Instead of overcoming obstacles

Why not take this everchanging world
And live with eyes open?

I'm up in the air... (Haikus 2-2.5/30 1/2/2009)

I'm living so high
That the sun needs me to shine
Royal decadence.

***

The rise above the clouds
Was necessary for life
Though heights aren't for me.


(Wrote these on my first plane ride in life...yeah sad I know lol)

Prelude. (poem 1/30 - 1/1/2009)

Blanket me in rainbows
Lined with neutral colors
Because I can't choose one color,
Creed or sex to permanently receive

I love freely.

Touch me
Feel my fire burn
With a passion for life
And love handled recklessly
Because every scar bears new skin
Underneath

I refuse to be a cliche.
Phases are for moons
I live in explosions
Emotions light fuses
Keeping the cold from
Rushing into my bones

Stop.

If you look at me
You'll see my obscurities
Broken behind bright smiles
Held in my cheek
Popping like rock candy
Then swallowed whole
Letting the sugar feed my brain
And taunt my nerves
So my heart can write words.