So I had my first (semi) summer fling not too long ago. We noticed each other at an open mic at school and started talking from there. Around mid-July, he became extra distant and I didn't feel like entertaining him anymore. By that time, I had almost complete control over what we did when we hung out and that's something I honestly didn't want, so I stopped being the entertainer. Well, that's the short version...
For weeks I mulled over questions like "Why did he just ditch me like that?" and "Does he even remember a damn thing?" For the second question, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't remember specific significant moments.
The first question digs a bit deeper though and I'll probably never know the exact answer unless I asked him myself. My pride won't let me though. It's been months since we actually spoke to each other.
I'm sure most of us are too nice to let someone go like that. There's only a select few who will tell you exactly what's on their minds as opposed to the cold shoulder or a lame excuse. I felt like I deserved the truth at least, but hey...
Even so, how do you go back to being friends after so much time being apart? I think it's a bit different with most guys, unless he's like your best friend or something. In this case, if we became friends again, it would be his doing because I let my passion for a friendship go a long time ago.
So now I really only see him at mutual organizations and such. I saw him tonight at a workshop and I ended up being more nervous than usual. I hate the feeling, but it only comes when he's there. The whole "out of sight, out of mind" theory works wonders most of the time anyway.
I guess it's simple, like writing poetry. You acquire a muse, you use it, and eventually it goes away.
The lesson will always stay with me and that's probably why I still feel something (non-romantic). I just have a heart and I'm not ashamed of it. Emotion is beautiful and I'm hoping to express it more boldly through this new chapter of my life.