Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Intimacy. (Part 1?)

You confine me
In a place fit for maximum security

A holding cell made with your hands
Picking locks of hair with your fingertips
My body slowly leaning forward and
All it took was your lingering
Breaths on my neck
Leading me to

Spilling sanity into your psyche
A mess of my past
Mingling with this and trying that

Dripping from your ears
While the rest absorbs into memory banks
Refusing to cash my thoughts
To spend on toxic gossip

The only whispers lie
Between us

Who taught me that
Intimacy isn't a surface thing.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Lawd, I never thought I'd be backtracking with this one...

For my summer American Lit class, we could write a poem (any type, any form) for extra credit. However, my teacher said he'd give us more bonus points if we wrote sonnets. I've been slacking, so I decided to tackle the 14-lined monster. It's a mess, but one of the lines is pretty inspiring (well, more inspiring than the uplifting tone). Just guess if you like.

(Hint: It's the only line that sounds like I wasn't chopping words off the block.)

Anyway, enjoy.

Love can't be me now, so I try to gain
Wisdom, Confidence, Self-Respect and Trust.
Right now, life is about ducking the pain,
Hardened shells and pride a definite must.

Sentiments lead to cemented heartbreak,
A heavy burden no one wants to lift
Including myself; I must give and take
Before I surrender my precious gift.

The dream is over and the deed is done.
My life is lonely searching for truth,
But I won't have to live without the sun,
Its glow presenting the luck of my youth.

My chance to find purpose, find what is right
For me, and soon enough I will take flight!

Though I'm not a big fan of end rhyme, I should tackle this form poetry. Maybe it'll bring something new to my arsenal.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Pure vs. Tainted: Realllly?

So PlanetOut.com brought a very interesting issue in today's email: Are lesbians who have sex with men different from those who haven't?

The majority of comments lean towards the "hell no" factor. But I still stick by the fact that sexuality for some changes with time. Straight is considered to be the norm. Most of us are raised in that ideal. It's up to us to really find ourselves and try new things in order to know for sure. There's a lot of factors that play into sexuality as well (plenty of books on it too).

I truly feel that I am a lesbian. It's an interesting mindset. I can't wait to have my ideal relationship. I miss hanging out with my girl-loving friends. I'm aching to write a girl poem, but I have no girl.

I've been with men sexually, with my most recent encounter being over a year ago. The desire has faded. It's like putting a TV on mute. You lose understanding of what you used to know. It's time for a new perspective.

Sure, "gold-star" lesbians are different in the fact that they've never had that male experience. That doesn't make them better. We all like the same thing, in a broader sense. Now it's "confused" people that y'all should be afraid of. That's a whole different story.

One of these days, I'm going to expound on all this. For now, I'm tired and in class. *sings Rent-like* Another dayyyy.

Thursday, June 11, 2009


It was difficult for me to fall asleep last night, hence the great lack of focus in class today. I think I'm going to list all of my fears here so I can lighten my emo load.

1. Employment - I know I'm a step up from the unemployed since I have a job right now. It's minimum wage, but it's still a job. I'm trying to upgrade to the new Chili's that's coming in July. Currently, I am the oldest worker at Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Luckily I have more of a productive life than past summers, so I'm not there all the time like I was before summer school started. Seems like a lot of my peers have better jobs. One of my very first crushes works at the Gap, while the super smart people are making moves with paid internships. I'm grateful to be making my own money, and it's going to stay that way, whether I upgrade or not. Upgrading is absolutely essential, especially if I'm trying to move out in a few years or less.

2. Love - For my single people (or those who aren't in the best relationship), do you ever wonder if there is someone out there for you,but not necessarily in the place you live? That's a topic for another blog, but sometimes I honestly feel that way. I think I end up falling in the friend zone by accident just because I'm so damn nice.

3. Coming Out - I'm only planning to do so with people I care about. Everyone else can find out on their own. It's scary, but I have to take it one day at a time. And when I do, I want to be confident that this is who I am. It's like I'm waiting for a sign, but I have no idea what it is.

4. Time Management - I've always sucked at it, but I have to get better. I think the busier I get, the better reality check I'm going to have. I have to make things happen as opposed to putting shit off. I mean, who has the best jobs? Go-getters do, mostly.

As Jasmine Sullivan sang, "We're not human without fear." Facing them can force us to change our lives for the better.