Pure vs. Tainted: Realllly?

So PlanetOut.com brought a very interesting issue in today's email: Are lesbians who have sex with men different from those who haven't?

The majority of comments lean towards the "hell no" factor. But I still stick by the fact that sexuality for some changes with time. Straight is considered to be the norm. Most of us are raised in that ideal. It's up to us to really find ourselves and try new things in order to know for sure. There's a lot of factors that play into sexuality as well (plenty of books on it too).

I truly feel that I am a lesbian. It's an interesting mindset. I can't wait to have my ideal relationship. I miss hanging out with my girl-loving friends. I'm aching to write a girl poem, but I have no girl.

I've been with men sexually, with my most recent encounter being over a year ago. The desire has faded. It's like putting a TV on mute. You lose understanding of what you used to know. It's time for a new perspective.

Sure, "gold-star" lesbians are different in the fact that they've never had that male experience. That doesn't make them better. We all like the same thing, in a broader sense. Now it's "confused" people that y'all should be afraid of. That's a whole different story.

One of these days, I'm going to expound on all this. For now, I'm tired and in class. *sings Rent-like* Another dayyyy.

[some] Boys just don't understand.

I had another memorable night that probably won't repeat itself anytime soon. That's another subject though.

I know I'm "new" to the lesbian/bi lifestyle, but I'm already experiencing some of the bothers that vets can attest to left and right, the main one being the fact that straight boys think they can be that renewing and/or lifestyle changing factor.

Instance #1: One of my boy friends asked the threesome question to me and my good friend a few weeks ago. He didn't even have to finish asking the question before I started rolling my eyes. I mean, I'm sure some girls may be into that, but I could never imagine doing that.

That makes me recall a certain topic that was brought up on The L Word during the first season. A random cop was telling one of the male characters about the power of woman-to-woman contact, about how they already know what turns them on because they are built the same. That's probably one of the most memorable scenes to me, as it was also hilarious the way he worded this lesson.

Instance #2: I was hanging with some of my lez girls (and my straight girl friend) at a mutual friend's house. Her nephew asked me if I "stay dykin'." (the grammar dork in me went crazy over that on the inside, and mind you, we were all pretty drunk anyway) I didn't answer because one of my friends started interrogating him in a funny defense. Later, on our way out, he asked me and I don't quite remember what I told him. He dubbed me "confused" and told me that the right man (supposedly talking about himself) could change that. I just laughed and walked out the door as he made his way to the bathroom. And I thought he was cute before...

First off, I believe that sexuality is fluid. I don't believe I am in that "confused" stage anymore. I'm quite aware of what I like and what I don't like. One cannot "turn straight" simply by having relations with the opposite sex. I don't care who you are. If your heart and mind don't come into the mix, it means nothing.

Also, earlier I was just talking to this boy who clearly digs me. I was trying to tell him the least possible without divulging too much information about last night. I told him I "loved on some women" and he asked me what that meant. When I told him, he responded "So you gave head?" ... Like that's the only things that two or more girls do.

I'm tired of talking about this lack of knowledge. The end.

I also wonder about the straight girl's perception on gay men.

Feel free to express any thoughts.

I love this girl!

She betta preach!

Fluid.

I've always been the type that goes with the flow for most situations. Since my extension of my sexuality, I've just gone to where my desires take me.

Point blank: I like girls. Is that wrong? Of course not. I still think that I could be attracted to the right guy, but who's looking for right these days anyway?

It doesn't bother me that I've jumped off the straight train. I was raised a certain way and now I'm learning for myself. It's so easy to place labels on everything and everyone, though there are those who are label-less or happen to fit multiple molds.

I think it takes a greater person to be fearless and follow his/her heart. Some people are forced to be confined, regardless of what passions pump blood into their veins. I am blessed to have this experience, and I will continue to be blessed with more in the future.

Bi, Pan, Les, Gay, Whatever...

As my friend stated, I love love, and I believe I could find it in just about anyone who could care as much for me as I do for myself.

Keep flowing...

Letter to Love Life's Editor (Part 2): Subliminal Messages or Full-Fledged Reality?

Dear evergrowing/changing sexuality,

You surprise me everyday. One of my best friends just told me last night that she could see me married to a girl and I could actually visualize myself being an aggressive femme. While that's all well and good, I would like to know where you stand. I haven't felt like a straight girl since junior year started, and I'm happy with that. I like the fact that I can be open to new experiences. I'm just wondering where this year will take me. I feel as if I'm slowly transitioning to the other side. I can't say that I am just yet because I'm not completely sure of myself right now.

It's time for some new attractions, or at least a reinforcement of current attractions.

I say this because this is the only way I'll know whether I'm still a dual soul or if I have a particular preference.

I want to let you know that I'm only doing this for me. I'm am aware that your changes are for no one but me. You are influenced by rainbows and neutral colors, but ultimately it's just you and me. You are a part of me. You define my romantic world and my heart defines you.

Regardless of the future verdict, I'm glad that we're more in touch with each other. Home life was stifling and only taught me that men are meant for women and vice versa. Meeting people of various cultures and lifestyles has taught me that that's not necessarily the case. I'm following my heart no matter what because if I'm not happy, I know you won't be happy.

Maybe this is your way of telling me that labels are for cans...but we'll see in due time.

Love Always,
Shawnon

Choosing sides...or not.

This has been on my mind for a while. I read a blog earlier concerning labels in the LGBT community (mostly lesbian labels), but my greatest concern has been the broadest labels of all: lesbian and bisexual.

I haven't been with a man since last summer. After summer, two girls followed. Out of the three aforementioned hook-ups, I haven't pursued a relationship with any of them for various reasons.

Of course, my sexuality is mostly influenced by the world around me. I was exposed to straight relationships, just like every other American person. I can't pinpoint the first time I was exposed to a gay/lesbian relationship. Naive as I was, I thought "gay" was a new fad or something. My freshman year in college consisted of chasing after a man as well as pursuing a relationship with another (separately of course).

Then sophomore year came. Something kicked in and I started caring about human rights, so I joined the gay-straight alliance. During one meeting, we all went around the circle and gave our sexual orientation. I considered myself straight. Being that hardly any straight people were in the organization (or actually came to meetings), it shocked everyone else. As time went on, I started becoming more interested in lgbt life. I befriended quite a few people in and outside of the group who considered themselves gay, lesbian or bisexual.

I had my first experience with a girl not too long after the first half of junior year started. According to the first entry in my blog, I labeled myself as a bisexual and I believe I was a bit rushed to put a label on myself. As open as the bisexual label is, I'm sure every gay/lesbian has had some sort of a man/woman crush after being comfortable with his or her orientation, so the varieties are endless.

So now I'm wondering if I'm still what I am according to what I've said previously in my blog. Now I don't automatically think that I'm a lesbian just because I have lesbian friends. They have a certain influence, but it's more than that. It's about what I'm comfortable with. I've told people that I feel more comfortable at gay clubs as opposed to straight ones and I'm interested in pursuing a relationship with a lady.

But regardless of labels, I'm just the type who chooses not to put gender in the way of a potential lasting relationship.

Edit: LGBT is now LGBTIQ...now I know what it all stands for: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersexed, and Questioning. Dang, we're everywhere. Soon we'll be the freakin majority lol