Some thoughts. (copy-paste style)

One of my friends asked me to help him for a thesis project, so I decided to share his questions and my thoughts here. Do with them as you wish.

1. What is your personal attitude towards homosexuality? Do you feel as though because this lifestyle is your preference, there are negative connotations with it?

2. As a minority, do you feel underrepresented in your community?

3. With so many opposing stances on homosexuality, how do you view religion?

4. Do you feel as though gender has a role towards the treatment in those that partake in this lifestyle? Are there any differences between gays and lesbians?

5. How has being homosexual affected you in general? What is the positive and negative impacts homosexuality has had on your life?

6. What has influenced you to be who you are? Has a figurehead contributed to your perception or is it because you feel comfortable with who you already are?

1. I've always been open to homosexuality even when I considered myself to be straight. I believe there are positives and negatives with any choice one makes. However, homosexuality is looked down upon by a great majority of people. I feel there's nothing wrong with it personally, and not just because it's my preference.

2. Very much so, but I've met a lot of LGBT's in college. I feel that there's quite a bit of support, even though HU is a conservative university. It's hard to be represented when there aren't a lot of popular role models/celebs that everyone can look up to. The white community has Ellen Degeneres and Perez Hilton (I know there's more lol). It seems like all the black celebs are mostly assumed because none of them officially came out (Queen Latifah, MC Lyte, Missy Elliot, Tyler Perry). Wanda Sykes comes to mind, but she was pretty low-key in her announcement. Also, I've noticed that she doesn't really talk about it in her stand-up, as she knows the topic is looked down upon.

3. I still feel like gays can practice any religion they want, as I believe that God does not judge. Unfortunately, religion plays a dominant role in homophobia, especially in the black church community. I know some who are still Christians, and others who may be in between or may not believe in anything at all. As for me, as long as preachers don't bring up any homophobia at my church, then I'm good. There's a lot of hypocrisy, but there are those who go beyond it and find a true relationship with a higher power.

4. Definitely. There's a double standard when it comes gay/bi/transgendered men and lesbian/bi/transgendered women. We see guys getting off on girls kissing just for fun, while two males kissing is disgusting to most people. I feel that males have it worse, especially those who act feminine. Men are taught to be strong and to look a certain way. Lesbian relationships are sometimes looked at as not being that serious (the "falling in love with your best friend" syndrome, college experimentation phase, etc).

5. It's made me realize that there is more to life than the standard (marrying a nice man, having children, etc). It's not a choice. It's a matter of what makes you happy. The positive is that I have met so many amazing people who fall under the category. Another positive is that the majority of my straight friends accept me as I am. The negative part is that I'm somewhat closeted to my parents. In a sense, I feel like it is none of their business and they can't dictate that aspect of my life. Another negative is that it's disappointing that other people that I may come across may never accept it, but that comes with the lifestyle.

6. I've always been an advocate for self-love. I never hated myself for these attractions. It had always been inside of me, but acquiring a group of LGBT friends sort of gave me the push into the lifestyle. It felt odd at first, but I accepted it. Regardless, my sexuality doesn't completely define me. I'm African-American, a woman, a student, a daughter, etc.

Overflow: random stream of consciousness thing.

How much will it take for me to overflow? It's enough to make me wonder of what you have to offer. Your talents may be a close match, but will you tend to other habits? With me, you could be lucky, but my conscience may compromise my emotions. I may shiver with the thought of you in summer, but my feet are covered and my heart is used to the temperature. Spike the mercury to your liking, but my heart has had it all. Maybe not you…but maybe it'll be the same. Difference being you dying for attention while I live for space. There is no chase. We sort of fell into each other's existence and thrived. The sun blinds our eyes as we beg for rain to stick to our lips. Moist kisses in bathroom stalls bring us back to the reality of lust.

My mind is filled with unfinished poems.

I had a lovely Homecoming weekend. I'm just glad I have the friends that I have, or else I'd still be the hermit I was freshman year. One of my friends dubbed me the "low-key popular chick." I don't know how to feel about that lol.

My current (mostly nonexistent) love life has been taken over by vicious bouts of jealousy. One girl is completely taken and I'm fine with that (mostly). She wants me to write a poem about her and I'm working on it. No worries...it's nothing emotionally unreasonable.

Girl #2 is single, but I know she still has feelings for the girl she used to talk to. I could see it when we were all hanging out on Friday. I got drunk for the first time last night and all I wanted to do was be next to her. She was the one who gave me that push into that side of my sexuality, so I guess I'll always feel some type of way about her. Just a few days ago, we finally talked about what happened. Apparently she was going through some things, so she apologized for avoiding it. She said I was really cool and no matter what happens, she can see us as being good friends. I want something to happen. I'm not sure if it's my feelings or my curiosity talking. It's probably a little bit of both...

I don't really have any main guy prospects. Mr. Gorgeous is a long shot. I may start small, like the senior who asked me to dance many moons ago. Whatever I end up doing...I honestly just want some attention. It's been a little more than a month. I think I feel like since I'm more social, I should be getting more action. It's still hard as hell for me out there. I'm going to try harder, that's for sure.

I got a Homecoming bonus from my aunt and uncle and I spent half of it already. I had one of my best friends come with me, and he helped me out a lot. It made me realize that looking extra good is expensive as hell. I'd rather just be chill and be me with the occasional surprises in between. We'll count Saturday's outfit as one of those surprises. I probably won't bust it out until after I get my hair done this weekend.

I'm anxious for Tuesday night. In between, I will be participating in the Oh So Political Film Festival from 11 to 8 today in the Student Center. It continues tomorrow, but I plan on helping out with the Obama campaign. We're going to go to various poll areas and make sure everyone votes. There's a lot of scams out here and we have to make sure every registered voter votes without the mess. Hill Harper came at the last minute tonight to encourage us to do what we can now. I've already voted absentee, so I can now focus my energy on everyone else.

And those are the main things on my mind. Stay tuned America.

Make a difference and VOTE!! Peace.

Sand in my shoes

"Beauty is in the eye of love
Uninhibited, intense
Fresh like the high tide..."

I came up with that when I was at the beach the other night. I went with some "friends," but I ended up standing near the waves. I didn't mind... mostly. It was actually quite the poetic experience. At first, I was afraid of getting my feet wet, but I inched closer and planted my flip flops in the sinking wet sand. I started singing "Sand in My Shoes" by Dido (mostly the chorus) repeatedly to myself, then realized that there wasn't anyone close enough to hear me so I sang like I didn't care. I looked over and saw the girl I once touched having fun with her friends and felt more alone than ever. I took out my mp3 player and started playing "Lost & Found" by Ledisi, which is one of the most beautiful lonely songs ever. I listened to it a couple of times while I let the sandy water wash over my feet and ankles. At times, I would stand on my tiptoes and let the remaining water slide off my flip-flops. At one point, I was reminded of the ending of the novel The Awakening and how Edna (I think that's her name...the main character) watches the waves before she gives herself to them. I could almost relate to that moment.

If I didn't love life and the possibilities of the future so much, I probably would've given myself away right there.

But I didn't. I know that there are amazing things (and people) waiting for me in the future.

At times like those, a lot of things run through my head and it's hard to catch every thought. Like now...I wasn't aware that this entry was going to turn out the way it did.

Ah, such is life.