I originally was just going to give some advice to a friend of mine, but in turn, I've had one of the greatest epiphanies with just a few simple statements.
We all have history with people. Finished business. Lingering pain. These are some of the symptoms from dealing with ex-friends, ex-lovers...ex-cetera (cute, no?).
I realized a few days ago that it's been about eight months since I was involved in a connection that will probably affect me for the rest of my romantic life. I still think about it almost daily, whether it's positive, negative, or just for the sake of revelation (in this case). I don't consider myself obsessed (that's a term only used when your friends are tired of hearing about said subject).
I had a similar experience with my ex-boyfriend freshman year (almost 2 years ago). We broke up during the winter and I completely got over it probably during the fall of that same year. I had my (necessary and unecessary) poetic outbursts, my naive threats at backstepping, and my own inspirational speeches. Maybe history is repeating itself.
Now I'm constantly reminded of why I'm in this current mental/emotional stage. The only difference now is that I wasn't in love and I was quite aware of the occasional overpowering lust inside of me this past summer. I'm just amazed at how much I've discovered in something so temporary.
At this point, I don't care what he thinks about me or our past situation. I know that I am beyond being the person I was during the summer. I don't regret what happened. I just know that I'm in a completely different place now. I used to wish for an experience similar to the moments we had, but I'm aware that it's nowhere near possible. I no longer have feelings for him, so what would be the point? I'm not in a stage where I will beg and/or explain myself when I will most likely receive nothing in return.
I deserve the world. I deserve friends who care. I already have the latter. I don't need anything less than that.
I'm seeing the beauty in the struggle. Coincidentally, I had to give a presentation based on that theme this morning (on a religious level). Religion aside, I believe in myself. I believe that someday I will find someone who truly understands what I've overcome and what I'm in the process of overcoming.
"One step at a time
I feel better
I can smile at it now
I feel better...
And even a little is still better..."
~ "A Little Better" Gnarls Barkley
You will never understand the level of my pride right now. I love this feeling. I wish I could feel it all the time.