Monday, January 12, 2009

Choosing sides...or not.

This has been on my mind for a while. I read a blog earlier concerning labels in the LGBT community (mostly lesbian labels), but my greatest concern has been the broadest labels of all: lesbian and bisexual.

I haven't been with a man since last summer. After summer, two girls followed. Out of the three aforementioned hook-ups, I haven't pursued a relationship with any of them for various reasons.

Of course, my sexuality is mostly influenced by the world around me. I was exposed to straight relationships, just like every other American person. I can't pinpoint the first time I was exposed to a gay/lesbian relationship. Naive as I was, I thought "gay" was a new fad or something. My freshman year in college consisted of chasing after a man as well as pursuing a relationship with another (separately of course).

Then sophomore year came. Something kicked in and I started caring about human rights, so I joined the gay-straight alliance. During one meeting, we all went around the circle and gave our sexual orientation. I considered myself straight. Being that hardly any straight people were in the organization (or actually came to meetings), it shocked everyone else. As time went on, I started becoming more interested in lgbt life. I befriended quite a few people in and outside of the group who considered themselves gay, lesbian or bisexual.

I had my first experience with a girl not too long after the first half of junior year started. According to the first entry in my blog, I labeled myself as a bisexual and I believe I was a bit rushed to put a label on myself. As open as the bisexual label is, I'm sure every gay/lesbian has had some sort of a man/woman crush after being comfortable with his or her orientation, so the varieties are endless.

So now I'm wondering if I'm still what I am according to what I've said previously in my blog. Now I don't automatically think that I'm a lesbian just because I have lesbian friends. They have a certain influence, but it's more than that. It's about what I'm comfortable with. I've told people that I feel more comfortable at gay clubs as opposed to straight ones and I'm interested in pursuing a relationship with a lady.

But regardless of labels, I'm just the type who chooses not to put gender in the way of a potential lasting relationship.

Edit: LGBT is now I know what it all stands for: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersexed, and Questioning. Dang, we're everywhere. Soon we'll be the freakin majority lol


Anonymous said...

-shawtie busa bus back @ it!-

labels blow. i never understood the reasonin behind it nor will i. i dont label myself...wish i could change the 'label' part in dl to watever i wanted. too many people try to place others in boxes JUST BECAUSE...its like you HAVE to be femme or a stud. im in between. im not HARD on the stud side just like to be casual..[think u kno what i mean]. but why label urself just because others do....not SAYIN u will...which im sure u wont. but step outside the box...and whatever u hear...there is NOTHING wrong w/being bi...ugh im tired of damn studs bashin bi's. lol. just wanted to put my 2 cents in. love who u are...and others will as well. i do. =D u my SHAW busta!! lol

Chanel said...

This is such a touchy and hot subject in the gay community. Truly, it's to each his or her own. I have identified as lesbian now going on six years. Before that I tried the whole bi thing simply because it was easier to come out and say "i'm bisexual" over "i'm a lesbian". But my heart was not teally into bisexuality. My attraction to men was so long gone I barely remember the days. But there once was a it's a process. You are who you are at any given time and nothing besides your own thoughts, feelings and desires should influence it. Now as far as all of those damn labels go (stud fem etc) if u read my blog, u already know how i feel about those. To me they're cool just to have something to identify with. But labels become severely dangerous when people use them as handicaps, attempting to force someone to stay inside a tiny bubble and ostracising them if they don't perfectly fit into the category. But as long as you are comfortable, as long as you can identify as whatever fits you then that's all that matters.