What She(a) Did for Me.

Yes, I am convinced that shea butter would be a woman in human form because it's smooth, soft, and there is no hardness when she's resting against my skin.

I probably saw raw shea butter for the first time when my friend let me use some about a year ago. It smelled odd to me and made my hands shiny. I've probably had my $6 16 oz. tub for about a month now and I feel like it's one of the best investments I've ever made in my life. Here's why:

1. A little bit goes a long way. Cliche, but true. Seriously, I probably need my single fingerprint span for my hair and hands (respectively). Perhaps a little more for my feet though.

2. It lasts forever (in a day). No reapplying multiple times a day like lotion. Matter of fact, I'm never using lotion again (at least from the neck down).

3. Great for multitasking. You can use it on your hair, skin, and nails! Mix it with some oils and you get a bomb moisturizer. Melt it and use it in your deep conditioners. Apply it to a burn or a dark spot every day and it goes away. I guess the only thing you can't do is eat it.

Once I'm rich, I'll be buying in bulk.

For those who are looking for something more natural for their hair and skin, I highly recommend her. She will not let you down.

My life in a few sentences.

Fell in love with a boy. Yes, a boy. Cutest thing I've ever seen.

Problem: He's taken and leaving for the Navy soon.

Solution: We fill our work shifts with craziness and laughter. And we'll be pen pals after he leaves.

Still carless, but that should be changing soon. In the meantime, my social life is pretty much nonexistent.

I'm glad I still have a job during the school year (first time doing so), but most of my earnings are going to go towards said car and college stuff.

I feel like I've retired from writing poetry. I don't have those overflowing inspirations as much anymore. Hmm.

The end (for now).

Sleepwalk.

First step

I'm touching consciousness
As deep sleep meets stumbling feet

Dreaming with closed eyes
Yet perceiving with fingertips
Nourished by our synchronized laughter

You accept my advances
In exchange for my half-lidded embarrassment
Entranced by our broken lullaby

Second step

Hits my surface like lightning
With the tingle of our potential
Penetrating my rod bones

Trip

Back into bed
Static clings to my clothes
Sheets tangled in intricate designs
Begging for something more

Rise

Determined to have you
Catching up to the steps I want to take
Walking turns into flying
Without the dream world
Feeling the air swept up in my skin
The cool turns into warmth
A front I'll never forget
Under you
My back bounces against the surface

I wake
With outstretched fingers and numb toes
Following wishes hardly obtained

Might as well go back to sleep...

Against the Odds.

Shuffle the deck
Let's even our chances

(I already know I'm winning)

You don't even look

However,
I keep my cards in check.
I don't wanna throw my ace in any hole.

I want my hand
To play the keys on your heart
Bluff until my eyes give me away

Forget the deck
And deal
With me.

Challenge my chances
Until luck fades
And love runs out

With nothing more to bet
Than a well-played heart.

Cuffed.

I've never been in handcuffs
But I could feel the cold metal in my dreams:

You on top of me
Each wrist linked
To the other

While the public chanted of our love
A mockery of marriage
A bondage of adoration
That supposedly goes beyond the silver imprints

Past the gold on my ring finger
Pressing into veins
Leaving vulnerable skin underneath
Wet and useless:

A bronze reality
Melted together
To form a union
Less than pure.

And God only sees you
For the wrong you do
Between the clicking cuffs

You don’t think of me
Consistently
Even as I lay over you
Sharing blood beating
Stainless steel

I refuse to appreciate
Your mental freedom
My lack of control sends spasms
Down ring fingers
Leading to tips that can’t touch you
Like I used to

Our friction creating fractioned hearts
In an imprisoned dreamland
Our togetherness creating a distance
Only heartstrings apart.

Randoms.

So I feel wide awake. This isn't good. I have a full day ahead of me.

I really wish I had something profound to blog about.

But I don't.

Random tidbits:
-I'm a bit under the weather (be damned if I have the flu again), so I'ma got back on my vitamin game. Just drank a bit of apple juice, which has Vitamin C so that should help a bit.

-Currently feeling "Whipping My Hair" by Rihanna. Never thought I'd say "feeling" and "Rihanna" in the same sentence.

-Tomorrow is Peer Counselor Orientation. I'm glad that I made it. I thought my interview sucked personally, but I guess not so much.

-Besides my healthy apple and orange juices, I vow to drink solely water. I barely drink soda in the first place anyway.

-I am in love with Sam Sparro. Check out his feel good music! http://www.myspace.com/samsparro

-I hope Blogger won't be down for too long today. I need more comments on my latest poetries.

The End.

Breaking Heart-Chains. (halfway mark! 15/30)

Wish the simple scent of you
Could cure ailments
So I can feel alive and well

Spent my life with a mind of gold
And a heart of stone
Held lighters to both
To see if I could feel

Melt...

Mix desire with spite
Concentrated on the fire
Rather than the corrosive fluids

So now I put love on acid
To feel it
Burn.

Bubble and battle amongst itself

Complex chemical reactions
Fire off at nerve endings
Heighten blood pressure
Peel away layers of pericardium

Promoting open heart surgery
Without the scalpel.

Fists full of tissues
Wondering why the pain masks itself as bliss
Bleeding the color of passion

Satisfaction
Coursing through my arm
Climaxing through my fingertips
Releasing the pulpy burden

Exchanging emotional death
For a tissue-free life.

Whenever you need me...

I'll be here.


You know who you are.


For those who qualify,


My love overflows.

Fluid.

I've always been the type that goes with the flow for most situations. Since my extension of my sexuality, I've just gone to where my desires take me.

Point blank: I like girls. Is that wrong? Of course not. I still think that I could be attracted to the right guy, but who's looking for right these days anyway?

It doesn't bother me that I've jumped off the straight train. I was raised a certain way and now I'm learning for myself. It's so easy to place labels on everything and everyone, though there are those who are label-less or happen to fit multiple molds.

I think it takes a greater person to be fearless and follow his/her heart. Some people are forced to be confined, regardless of what passions pump blood into their veins. I am blessed to have this experience, and I will continue to be blessed with more in the future.

Bi, Pan, Les, Gay, Whatever...

As my friend stated, I love love, and I believe I could find it in just about anyone who could care as much for me as I do for myself.

Keep flowing...

Taking a break from theory synthesis...

So I'm thinking about the fact that it's March already and that tomorrow is my mom's birthday, which gets me thinking about how close my parents are in age (they're 10 days apart--11 on leap years). They will both be 48 years old once tomorrow hits. It's amazing how much my family has grown. I'm finishing up my junior year in college, my sister and I will both be in college next school year, and my brother is officially a teenager.

About ten years ago, we started a new life when we made the move from Virginia Beach to Chesapeake (about 20-25 minutes away from our old house). My sister and I were too young to realize the reasons we were going to live in a new area. Mostly it was because of the school system, and the middle school that I would have gone to was known to be quite troublesome. The move wasn't all bad though. I only had a couple of good friends back in Va Beach. Even after the move, I didn't make a bunch of friends at once. I had about three good friends a year, and then the number rose slightly once high school hit.

So back to my parents. They're been married since '85, so that'll make 24 years in August. They were school rivals as well. My dad was at Hampton and my mom was at Norfolk State when they met. I'm not sure about the details, but I'm lucky that I have them. I know that they're going to be together for the rest of their lives. They're like the best of friends. Despite the fact that they're afraid for my siblings (eventually) and I (now) being outside of home, they mean well.

My mother is like one of my good friends, but I've become a bit distant, but I guess that comes with age and having more of a social life and responsibilities. I used to talk to her on the phone every single day. Now it's more like every other day, roughly. I can't tell her everything I've done now. I mean, of course we change and test the waters of our limits once we move away from home, but I don't want her to worry. I know that my dad and her trust me to make good decisions while I'm here. I've made plenty of mistakes and I've learned from most of them.

I've gotten closer to my dad (even though our bond can't match mom's) through being at college. He's the one who usually takes me home and back on certain weekends, and we have about 40-45 minutes to talk about anything. He's a cornball and I love to laugh, so it works. He can also be serious, especially when it comes to health and family matters. I believe he studied Health and/or Physical Education at HU. Anyway, he is a constant support system. His mother's been in and out of the hospital since October and he's always been there for her, even during the times when her mind hasn't been in the right place. I know he has lost weight and sleep when her health was at a low point. Most of his days would consist of him spending all day in the hospital and then going to work all night. I know I owe him everything, and I will be there for him just as much as he's been there for me and the rest of our family.

Times have been rough for us lately. My dad's been working more and going through training just so he can get paid more. My mother's the one who handles the bills (she was an Accounting major), so I'm usually hearing about money issues through her. I'm going to commute next year so I can save them some money and so that I can live more independently money-wise. Also, I can help out at home more. My mother's constantly in and out of the house, and it would be nice if I was home more so her load could be significantly lightened.

I realize more and more each day about the value of family and I wish my sister could understand at least half of it. She always seems ungrateful and unhappy. My dad's told me that it's easier for him to talk to me than talking to her. Sometimes it seems like she doesn't even like him. I mean, I know he's overprotective and overbearing at times, but there's other things that outshine that. My sister and I are the best of friends (always have been since we were younger), but our personalities are quite different. I feel that once she starts having the college experience, she's going to learn a whole lot more and stop being so naive and ungrateful. I think that's something that she needs to come face-to-face with on her own. Sometimes that's the only way people learn.

And she needs to watch this video:



Bottom line: I love my parents because they prove that they love me every waking day, and that's something I will never forget. That's one thing that I'm eternally grateful for.







(These pics are from summer of '06, back when I just graduated from high school. Omg. Time flies.)

She was so cynical about love...

I'm not feeling love right now. The nearing of Valentine's Day doesn't have much to do with it. I just don't have much inspiration and the demand for a love poem isn't moving me much. I'm currently working on a recession poem now. I can't remember the last time I wrote a poem that had nothing to do with love or some sort of attraction to someone. That's what I'm known for. I've been called the love poet. Maybe I'm just secretly mad because I'm getting any (love). Probably the only love that inspires me is family and friend love and the love that my parents have for each other.

I have parents who were (rival) college lovebirds back in the day and have been together ever since. Weren't they lucky? Now we're living in an oversexed world where college is the place to experiment and put notches in belts more so than finding a husband or wife. I've accepted the fact that most fairy tales don't start in college. I will probably have to get myself together mentally and financially before I could ever find my soulmate. I'm fine with that. I'm in no condition to be engaged or married at this very moment. Hell, I'm just having fun and learning lessons along the way.

I had the most random dream that involved an old friend (boy). It was quite ironic because the lust in that dream will never exist in real life, and the irony also prevails in the fact that I'm more in tune with my girl-loving side lately. Give me a chick on my level and I'll be set for the time being.

I haven't been to an open mic since last semester, and I'm going to change that next week. It's been too long. Open mics are a huge source of my poetic inspiration.

I have a choice to make concerning bringing my poetry to the school forefront. It feels easier to quit, but I guess I'll make my decision after this meeting tonight.

Pain is pleasure.

S&M? Nah, not today...

I can't remember the last time I had the flu. My immune system used to be boss to the point where I would have like one cold a year. The flu was practically unheard of in my house. Now I'm on my second sickness of the school year. Maybe germs have upgraded or maybe I'm just unfortunate to have sick friends (and roommates) that I happen to come in close contact with. Anyway, I've been aching since yesterday. My friend gave me some meds but I'm out, so I'm waiting for my dad to come over later so he can hook me up. For now, my legs are giving me hell. Seems like they hurt worse when I'm not moving them (laying on the bed, sitting, etc.) but whatever.

I'm glad tomorrow's Friday (aka Poetry Day). I can go straight to sleep after my last class if I wanted to.

There's a writer's workshop tonight and there's no featured poet. The bestie wants me to do it, but I dunno. Maybe I'm just making the excuse because I'm sick. I know I'll probably have an automatic feature next year because I'll be a senior (omg). We'll see how I feel by then. I'll print out some stuff just to be sure because we all know how draft versions look in the notebook.

Anyway, here's a poetic tidbit that'll hopefully satisfy the palate. I wanna go somewhere with it...

No need to reach for the stars
Actually, they envy me
Secretly wishing on my constellation
In hopes of becoming a reincarnate
Of love's revolution.

Star Light Star Bright (serious work in progress)

It started off with a simple nursery rhyme

One night

She whispered wishes out her window

In hopes of curing her quarter-life crisis

Daylight brought an unforgettable opportunity

Of obtaining the first man

Reminiscent of fairy tale heroes

Confidence opened her heart

She expressed her dreams

While he was stuck on reality

Though they met mindsets on love at first sight

By sunset, she knew she found the one

She promised herself

First star she’d see tonight

She’d thank it

For the death of may and might

(Though her gratitude was for naught

At least for tonight)

Now she buries her head in pillows

So the stars won’t hear her cries

Blinding balls of light

Searing flesh under unsuspecting eyelids

Every touch from him

Choking her

Suffocating thoughts

Resuscitating fear

In trails of trampled emotions at his feet

Surrendering to nonexistent gods

Who would inflict such pain

Scarring a precious life

Just because she believes in

Star light star bright?

***

Compliments/comments/criticism is greatly appreciated!